~ Expectations ~
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I received a letter from a nice lady which tells me that this page is
needed... "Just a note to ask if there are any good sites to visit on amputation and what to expect. All my Dr. said was don't fall. I had already thought about that one. Some of the things I did not think about were public restrooms, clothes, the public stares, questions and so on..... I wish that I had known of this to be prepared for it. I am sure that I will find many more things like this. My amputation was on 12-22-99. This is all new to me. Any info would be helpful. Again thanks for telling me about your web site." This website came about because nobody told me what to expect or how to deal with every day problems when I lost my feet... When I searched the web for answers, most of what I found were pages that talked about everything BUT anything that would really help me. PAIN: You're going to have some! I suppose this experience varies with an individual's tolerance for pain... It does lessen... Even "phantom" pains diminish with time. COMFORT: Even after the pain is either tolerable or gone you'll exprience tingling... sometimes minor, sometimes downright annoying... if it's feet that you have lost, keeping your leg warm helps a lot... find some socks for BIG men at big and tall men's stores... while these can cost $10 a pair, you'll find they are well worth the price because they will fit over the end of your leg and lessen the tingling nervous activity when it's cool. CLOTHING: I have seen no accomodation for amputees in the clothing industry. You have to figure things out for yourself in this area... How well you fare will depend on your sense of style and comfort... If it's slacks and you've lost feet, I recommend shortening the legs and closing them at the ends to help keep you warm AND to keep them from getting caught under the front wheels of your chair as you roll around. YOU: DECIDE! Some decide to be invalids... some decide that they are martyrs... some decide to be dependent "sad cases"... some decide simply to get on with their lives keeping happiness, love, and fun as their highest priorities... This I tell you knowing the absolute truth of it... YOU HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE THIS DECISION! So... DECIDE! While you are considering your decision, let me remind you that most people find it easy and pleasant to be around cheerful, loving and fun people... I've always found it work visiting the sad... Figure it out. INDEPENDENCE: That's what this website is all about! Even so, there will be situations where you need help... Learn to graciously accept help when you need it... Pride has no business here... Genuine expressions of appreciation to those who help you are important... They don't owe you anything. LIVING ALONE: If you are living with able-bodied people who love you, you don't have this problem... Living alone, you should be able to do most daily things to "get along"... you learn to ask visitors to do small things that are easier for them to do like taking out trash or checking your mail box... I strongly advise keeping a clean kitchen and soft drinks and snack foods so it is easy for you to offer hospitality... Some of your friends will ask you what you need... Some seem only to think of you when it's in an area of their interest... THINK about who you ask to do certain things... Make sure what you are asking is within their capability... Which brings me to PATIENCE!!!... There are things long wanting being done around my home that are waiting for the RIGHT person to be available and willing to give me the time needed... And, TIME is the most valuable thing anyone can give me where improvement of my living condition is concerned... It is also the thing that too many people think they can't afford to give. BEING HELPED: Sometimes people seeing you in difficulty rush to help you even if they don't know the best way to proceed... Keeping your voice relaxed and gently slowing them down long enough to show them what you need goes a long way towards keeping the experience pleasant... Helping them to get past their sensation of panic helps! FAMILY AND FRIENDS: Get the ones who feel sadness for your loss past feeling sorry for you... Your developing personal capabilities will help in this... You want to do this because when they're full of feeling sorry for you it interferes with a real relationship with them... You will find some of them checking you out to see if you're taking good care of yourself, and a few being surprised to see you doing a good job... These few really piss me off!... I lost my feet, not my mind!... Even so, I recommend patience with them and gently educating them. EYE CONTACT: There are some folks who will not allow themselves to make eye contact with you... It's their problem and you can't solve their problems... There are others who want to respond to you with kindness to the degree that it may seem unnatural... It's good to remember that it's natural for them... There are others who will treat you normally... I like these folks the best. CHILDREN: You want honest reactions?... You'll get 'em from the kids!... The way I handle their staring at my missing feet is to give them a little wave of my hand and a smile, sometimes even a wink of my eye... I do this to try to get them back into good spirits... I have been known to say to some parents (with a smile), "Boy! Are you gonna have some explaining to do!" MOVING ABOUT IN PUBLIC: Some are courteous, some are not... just like it always has been... If you are having a hard time wheeling up a hill, some will offer to help, some will not... Some will jump to help you by opening doors for you, and some of these will unthinkingly then stand in the doorway.:)... I have learned that if I am in trouble and ask someone nearby for help, almost nobody will refuse to help me. REST ROOMS: Most of 'em have handicap access... It remains for you to develop your own ways of moving around, etc. PARKING AND ENTRY WAYS: I get the impression that, if there weren't laws that nobody would do anything... Not every wheel chair ramp is easy enough for you to use it without help... sad... The laws need to be changed to dictate the maximum angle of rise of the ramp! ROMANCE: If you have a sweetie, you owe it to them to stay the person you were when they decided they loved you... If you do this, and they really love you, you still have a sweetie. If you don't have a sweetie, finding a good one may be harder... I have another site called LoveLetters which will give you some ideas about the difficulties you might encounter in this area. MORE: If I have neglected specific topics, tell me what they are and I will address them... ALSO, this is a good place for you to share what you can add to what amputees can expect to encounter... CONTRIBUTE! |
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©2003 Mark Krell - ©2003 Equity International Webcenter
| COPYRIGHT NOTICE: Ideas, artwork, and elements of this website are the intellectual Property of Mark Krell. If you are a disabled person who wishes to use any of my ideas to help you to improve your life, you have my permission, my blessing, and my sincere hope that I have helped you. If you are interested in manufacturing, marketing, or in some way making money from what you see here, you are not free to do so without compensating me. This is right and fair because I will use your money to develop new ideas and prototypes; thus creating new opportunities for you to profit. DISCLAIMER: Because everyone who is disabled has different individual needs due to differing physical conditions; you use any of my ideas with the express understanding between you and me that I cannot be held responsible for anything that may happen to you as a result of such use. It is your responsibility to determine your own physical capabilities. It is your responsibility to consult your physician to make such determinations if you are in doubt. By making use of my ideas, you agree to release me from any and all liability from any occurance connected with such use from this day forth until the end of time. You also agree to the same conditions with any contributor of ideas to these pages other than myself. |