MARK'S... ------------------------------------------------------------ * * * *** * * ***** * ***** ***** ***** ***** *** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *** * *** * * *** *** * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** *** * ***** ***** ***** * * ***** * * ------------------------------------------------------------ Volume 1 ~ Issue 4 ~ 1 January 2000 (C)1999 Mark Krell ------------------------------------------------------------ RELAX!... DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL... ENJOY YOURSELF! What better way to start out a new millennium than for me to tender what I think is the best piece of advice I have ever given to anybody... I not only say this to other people, but I live it! These realizations have helped me to keep things in perspective and keep my spirits up. This philosophic approach towards finding a new partner is workable if you let it because it is built on a foundation of truth. Many factors cause the search for an acceptable new partner to be a numbers game. Because there are so many people who are handicapped by lack of partner skills, fear of or emotional inability to genuinely love another, unresolved previous agenda, serious emotional scars from past hurts, unwillingness to disclose (tell the whole truth), loyalty, ethical behavior, a sense of fair play, and good stewardship of their person and their life such as a poor sense of economy, unhealthy living practices, and let's not forget criminal tendencies. There are also those who are just plain nuts. It stands to reason that: You, a nice sane loving person are faced with weeding through the Ms/Mr Wrongs until you come upon Ms/Mr Rights. A numbers game! Add to this the selection criteria even nice people apply to who they choose for their new partner. Can I help it if she wants a beefy muscular guy and I'm not? Can any lady or man help it if their hair or eye color or the size of certain parts of their anatomy even though they're height/weight proportional doesn't match a new prospect's expectations? You're a sports fan, they are not. You like the arts, they don't. It's a numbers game. Worrying yourself will not help you through this selection process any faster. Worrying that you will never find someone to love and be loved by is also self-defeating. Besides, have you noticed that most of the things we worry about never happen. It's usually what we didn't even think to worry about that comes. So, I tell you to RELAX! With the searching and selection process comes some rejection. This is a good thing and while somewhat disappointing at times, should not overly disturb you. If there were no rejection, most of us would be stuck with somebody who can't possibly contribute to our happiness! When a lady rejects me, she frees me to go and find a lady who will love me. I'll bet a lot of you haven't looked at rejection like this, but isn't it true? And, understanding that rejection can come from a great variety of reasons that may very well have nothing to do with the nice persons we are, how can you get bent out of shape? One of the nicest ladies I know says that if they know me and they reject me, I take it personal. I say WHY? You have to get to know somebody to learn enough about them to get a sense of whether you're gonna do well in life with them. While some aspects of rejection may be personal, truth is that the thing that caused them to reject you is every bit as probable to be due to a personal taste or a deficiency of theirs as it is yours. So I say... DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL! People like to be around other people who are cheerful. You know this. You know that it feels like work to be around dull and sad people. There are a thousand sayings about this... "Smile and the world smiles with you..." Some folks tell me they're surprised that I'm a fun person to be around... they think that because I lost my feet Im expected to be a "sad case"... I was a fun person to be around before I lost my feet... What? I'm supposed to let a little thing like losing feet change who I am? Go sit in a corner and eat worms? Be a hard person to visit or never get invited anywhere because my presence makes people feel bad? If you want that kind of behavior, I suggest you go find a REAL criple because it ain't me! Here's the point... Count your fingers and toes... they all there? Check yourself out... If you're like most people they are all there too... So, no matter who did what to you or what happened in past, YOU HAVE SURVIVED AND YOU STILL HAVE YOU!!! If you are still holding onto anger and resentment towards people who have hurt you in the past, STOP IT! If they're not living right and they're hurting other people, they will hurt themselves more that you could possibly hurt them! Let it go... Forgive them. If you are so afraid of being hurt again that you can't allow someone new to get really close to you, STOP THAT! Remember that you have survived... the benefits to be gained from finding your new love far outweigh the risks you take in generating new relationships! (I promise to talk about learning how to make better choices soon.) In this I know that I am right... This won't happen, but even if I go to my grave without finding my new sweetheart, my life will be better for the hope in my heart than if I adopt positions and attitudes that will guarantee my growing old alone and unloved... Think about it. So, if we feel better when we are enjoying ourselves, and we know that we are more attractive to others when we are cheerful, then I say to you... ENJOY YOURSELF! Three little phrases... but what phrases! Now repeat after me, 10,000 times if necessary... RELAX!... DON'T TAKE THINGS PERSONAL... ENJOY YOURSELF! ------------------------------------------------------------ WHY IS MARK WRITING LOVELETTERS SO QUICKLY? It's not my intention to write LoveLetters at such short intervals forever... The best way I know to share with you things I've learned, things I've observed and can't figure out, and emotional and intellectual positions that explain where I'm coming from is to dig back into past emails and in person experiences that have stimulated responses from me. These issues will slow down and probably only be prompted by new experiences and the things you ask or tell me. Feel free to write to me... If it's very personal, you will get a personal response... If it suggests an important learning or inspirational issue, I'll de-personalize it and put it here. Your concerns just might help somebody else! ------------------------------------------------------------ Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/ Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/ If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject. ----------------------------------------------------------- end of issue. |