MARK'S...
------------------------------------------------------------
* *
* *** * * ***** * ***** ***** ***** ***** ***
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * *** * *** * * *** ***
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
***** *** * ***** ***** ***** * * ***** * *
------------------------------------------------------------
Volume 1 ~ Issue 6 ~ 3 January 2000 (C)2000 Mark Krell
------------------------------------------------------------
This issue contains some stuff that I've written in past.
I have included it here because I think you'll find it to
be interesting(?), helpful(?), supportive(?)... There are
some themes expressed here that I have touched in previous
issues. Isn't it nice that I really believe what I'm saying
and my story doesn't change? :)
STRONG PEOPLE FEEL LONLINESS TOO!
I've written several issues so far and perhaps I've given some of
you the impression that I'm all rationale and not subject to the
same feelings expressed by many of you.
I wrote this some time ago, but I feel it regularly, so I've
included it here so that you will know that you are not alone in
your feelings...
THINKING ONE NIGHT...
Looking up at the ceiling while laying in the
dark at night, Mark thinks about how few women
there are out there who even begin to understand
the concept of genuinely loving someone...
and, of those who might understand the idea, but
who have decided it's not really possible...
and, of those who want a man to be his best for
them without connecting it to their responsibility
to be their best for him...
and, those who might be very lovable but will
never again really trust a man...
and, those women in his life who Mark never
betrayed, broke a promise to, or lied to,
who still chose not to love him...
and then he asks if it will ever be possible for him
to find a woman he trusts enough to surrender to,
and who trusts him enough to surrender to him...
And, as slow tears make their way from the
corners of his eyes to wet his ears, he thinks,
"I'm gonna have to change this pillow slip in
the morning."
----------
TERRIBLE WOMEN???
A lady, after reading the above piece, said I had no
basis on which to feel that way unless I'd met some
terrible women...
I disagree... I don't think any woman I've ever met
is terrible... (well, there was this one... (humor))
While I can't be sure I know the motives of all the
women I've ever met, I can identify some of the obvious
attitudes I've encountered in women (and I'm sure these
exist in too many men also) that I'm sure will prevent
them from truly bonding with another...
This is NOT a complaint list. I truly believe these
ladies are entitled to their feelings and beliefs, just
as I am entitled to want better for me and my SweetHeart.
Every woman I've ever met will tell you that they
want to be loved, but few show their recognition of
the necessity for "joining" as opposed to "negotiating"
in a successful lifelong love relationship. Negotiating
is what adversaries do.
They all have their "pride" without realizing that
pride has nothing to do with the surrender to each other
required of a genuine lasting love between two people.
Many of them are "private persons" or "shy", both of
which imply their unwillingness to share themselves with
a mutual "free flow" of information... this scares me
because I maintain that if I knew what was really in a
few lady's hearts and minds in past, I might not have
made the mistakes I did.
Some ladies are overly concerned with whether or not
I have a gold card and while they have a right to know
that their lives won't go to economic ruin for knowing
me, I fail to see what a gold card has to do with it.
Many of them truly enjoy sex but don't allow the
experience to be an intimate bonding... many of them
don't really enjoy sex but use it as an attractant
(worse!).
Many ladies are simply not truthful.
Not a single one of these ladies is "terrible",
but I still believe I deserve better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
BEAUTY IN MARK'S EYES:
If she's taking as good care of herself as is
humanly possible, she's beautiful.
No super human things will enhance her beauty
as far as Mark is concerned. Except for repairing
unfortunate accident damage, Mark thinks the things
women suffer with plastic surgeons in the name of
beauty are both stupid and dangerous.
Stretch marks are invisible to Mark. He can't
see wrinkles either.
He can see sloppiness and self-neglect, and he
can't deal with it.
If her actions show him she really sees him
and his real needs, she's responsive to his needs,
and she loves him, she's even more beautiful.
If Mark's friends respect his judgement, and
think he's doing pretty good with her...
And, if she likes being REALLY CLOSE every day,
and Mark has the strength to put his arms around
her and move her to him, hold her, play with her,
love her, please her, use her, let her do all of
these things to him, then...
SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD!!!
---------------------------------------------------------------
When a lady said I was not romantic, it really had me
questioning myself. Here is the result.
=== LOVE AND POWER ===
Some difficult but necessary
considerations about accepting and loving
another person...
So, here we are wanting to be loved,
and knowing we're not going to feel loved
if we can't find someone we can like,
admire, want, and trust; whose friendship
we enjoy.
Looking at myself as I am today, I
see myself different than some folks only
because I put more into words than many,
and more than I did in past. I have been
asked if my approach to finding my love
is really romantic.
"If you Love someone wholeheartedly,
you must be able to accept that person
for who they are - not wanting to change
them.", some say.
True.
"If you really Love someone and you
see them doing something that will hurt
them, you want to help them.", say others.
True.
Now we have two true statements that
are somewhat contradictory...
How about...
"Find a person who IS who you want
them to be and IS dealing well with life
and not only will it be easy to Love
them, but it won't be very hard to help
them either."
Past experience has shown me that,
"If they are not the person you need
them to be, they never come around."
You can like and even Love many
things about someone, but it's not going
to be good if:
You don't trust their judgement and
you have to worry about what they're
going to do next, or,
You hope they will continue to Love
you, or,
Their ways of living and dealing
with life threaten the healthy lifestyle
you want for yourself, or,
You don't really know what they
are thinking and feeling, or what their
true intentions are towards you.
I say to you now that Love has no
Power without the fulfillment of the
above requirements.
In a REAL Love relationship, when
you look at your partner you should be
seeing someone you admire, respect,
like, and TRUST.
The coming together this kind of
Love requires needs both partners to
surrender to each other, which does not
happen without complete trust in each
other.
Surrender to another gives them
great Power.
Is this bad? I think not...
I see no problem in a mutual
dependence on each other for the
fulfillment of each others needs for
approval, acceptance, affection,
companionship, and, dare I say it
without being considered a dirty
old man(?)... wait a minute... I am
a dirty old man(!)... s-e-x.
(I don't mind admitting I'm a
dirty old man... I never want to be
called a disgusting old man.) But
I digress...
Are you getting the idea?...
In an adult Love relationship,
Power is shared and traded back
and forth... It HAS to be this way.
That's why it's not ok to
close your eyes and take everything
on faith. It's ok to do the
very best you can to project what
you know about both of you into
future situations and examine many
of the possibilities.
Admittedly, we can't think of
everything, but we owe ourself and
our partner our very best effort to
make the words I Love You mean
something wonderful that has the best
potential to endure.
There are many things about
ourselves over which we have no
control. These things we need
acceptance for.
But what we can control, we
should do whatever is needed to
make sure we are presenting the
best person we can to our partner.
How many times have we all
heard someone say, "I have this
problem, but I want you to Love
and accept me for who I am."
This implies that they are
seperate from their "problem".
I contend that their "problem"
indicates that they are unwilling
to mobilize the personal resources
necessary to effect a remedy.
Perhaps you think this reasoning
is "hard" or uncharitable; but here
are some thoughts you will find it
hard to dismiss.
How can you invest a high degree
of trust in someone who seems not to
be able to care well for themselves?
How can you feel really loved by
one who is not offering to you the
best they are able?
How can you surrender Power to
one whose judgement and capabilities
do not merit your confidence?
No matter how hard it may be to
do, there are some people who, no
matter lovable they are, to whom you
have to say no.
Not romantic you say?
I disagree.
First, it leaves you open to
really Love another who you CAN
Love in a completely accepting
manner.
Second, it allows you to find
someone who can Love you honestly.
Third it is loyal to the one
you wind up loving because they
can trust you enough to surrender.
And, with a healthy Love, you
both experience great joy because
of it's POWER.
(C)1999 Mark Krell
------------------------------------------------------------
Mark's "A Ms is as good as a smile" Department...
You're out there Darlin'... I know you are... I am grateful
to these nice gals who have given me added faith in the possibility
of your existence...
All names and locations have been concealed to protect
the loving...
"Hi there!
You have a beautiful profile! I would love the addy to your web page. You
seem like a true romantic and sensual gentleman who is kind and considerate
also. I realize we do have a distance between us but is it possible to be
friends through email until you meet that special someone? Would love to
hear from you."
"Hello from (a state about as far away from me as you can get),
WOW is the only thing I can say whatever woman lands you will be a
genuiunely lucky woman, thats what I have looked for and never found, I
find a lot of good friends tho, but still am a looking for that special
man. I have a huge compacity of giving love to someone whereever he
maybe and never have figured out why some women plead headaches, must
be their partners weren't any good, a lot of men think they know how, but
forget the woman needs pleasing also, I thoroughly miss pleasing a man,
and hope before I become too old I once again have that opportunity to
do so. Good luck in your looking. I am sure you will be overloaded from
letters written to you, but if you want a friend I am here on the puter
a lot, write me."
"Hi Mark,
I want to thank you for the special words you said this morning in your
letter. They meant a lot to me, and I mean that too. I wish you did
live near *******. You seem just like the one I have been searching for
all these years. How far is Buford from *******? That is where I work.
Just thought we could have lunch one day to meet face to face if you were
close to the area. If it is also too far, I hope you find the lady you
are searching for also. Again, thank you for making my day with your
sweet letter. Hope to meet you one day."
=====================================================================
Mark's "Is it possible to set aside the past?" department:
This business of people not forgiving their past is a recurring
theme which makes the search harder...
This one I truly regretted having to write. The lady had a truly
horrible experience with an abusive ex.
27 April
Dear (her name),
The box contains something I saw that I thought you might enjoy giving
to (her daughter's name). This is not an attempt at reconcilliation; merely
something I wanted you to have.
So, you thought I was trying to control you? Here's what I saw
happening...
First, you tell me you find html complicated. Then you tell me that
you do not know easy and fast ways to handle graphics. Then you tell me
that you are not even aware of current web technologies. Then you tell me
that you'd like to operate your own web server.
I respond by telling you that getting to that position has an intensive
learning curve which will take a fair amount of time to accomplish because
successful web server operation encompasses many skills.
Then you decide that I'm selling your learning abilities short and
that I'm trying to control you.
There is a difference between trying to teach you what you do not
know, and trying to control you. I listened attentively as you taught me,
and was grateful for the information you shared about the ****** ***** and
new ************ *****. That's what a good relationship should be... both
learning from each other and benefitting from the sharing of talents.
That incident has led me to some thoughts, observations, and a
question.
This question comes from knowing that you did examine some areas of
my internet server operation, and that you knew that when you addressed an
internet topic that this is my work, this is what I do and make money at,
and that I would have a certain amount of personal pride in my
accomplishments and my level of expertise... "Where was all the respect you
spoke so much about in your personals listing?" When I want to do
something, and I know I'm talking to someone who has made some genuine
accomplishments in that field, I let them help me. I don't fight with them.
Which leads me to this speculation... Has (her name) had so many
unpleasant and repressive experiences in past that her sensitivity to being
controlled has been so amplified that she applies this defensive action
inappropriately? And, if so, will she be able to get past this obstacle
which will prevent her trusting any man enough to ever feel truly loved?
Another observation... When this topic was addressed, I started
thinking of combining (her name)'s artistic skills with my internet skills
and doing some very nice things... What (her name) indicated was that she
wants to be in control of everything she does, including accomplishing her
internet presence.
Coupling this with other statements she made, I developed an
understanding that (her name) might be happiest in a situation in which she
had complete control.
I have no problems with this, but I do know that it is not a position
that lends itself well to a good partnership with another.
It is also not an unusual reaction. I have met a number of ladies
who in different ways have demonstrated the same difficulty in showing me
enough trust to give me reason to believe we could really be at peace with
each other, allowing our enjoyment of a happy life together.
All of the above aside, I think you are a lovely and talented woman
and I have every sincere wish for your happiness.
I will, if you wish, help you to explore internet marketing of your
products with no risk to you. How about no fees or costs other than a 20%
commission on sales made through the internet site?
Control you? Last thing in the world I'd ever want to do. It takes
too much time and effort. And, how could I ever feel truly loved by a lady
who is not acting under her own free will?
My only sense of disappointment is that you did not truly believe
that I really meant everything I stated on my "together" page. If you had
believed me when I said that loving means having enough trust in another
that controlling them shouldn't be necessary, then you might not have had
that reaction.
You shouldn't feel badly about this because I assure you that no
other lady has believed the truth of that page. Maybe no other lady ever
will.
I truly regret any unpleasant feeling you may have suffered
resulting from our short association.
Mark Krell
================================================================
Mark's "I thought I had it rough until..." Department...
I am by no means a sad case like she's known, but I understand
the feelings she has.
"My friend Mark----I will call you my friend, because I feel I know you,
or what you have chosen to share with me---I too am a truthful person,
some say to a fault---Please read my little story---5 years ago my
husband was diagnosed with brain cancer--he immediately went to the
point of being unable to use his arms or legs, and I pushed my love in a
wheelchair for 15 months until he died. At this time in my life I
don't think I can cope with another wheelchair in my life---I can only
hope you will understand this and I wish you luck in finding your
"sweetheart" and I hope you wish me the same in finding mine-----if you
are interested in an e-mail friend to share your thoughts with, and I
with you, please feel free to "write" at any time-----I bid you
peace-----"
===============================================================
I addressed this in issue number 1, but I thought this had
a few different comments in it, so here it is...
Mark's "Wanna be email friends?" Department...
One of the interesting things that's happening as a result
of my publishing this page is... A whole lotta nice ladies want
to be my email friend.
I'm not sure of what their logic is... (I'd rather have
somebody I can squeeze and who'll squeeze back), but...
Being the loving guy I am, and finding it hard not to respond
to a nice lady's needs (there are too many butt-heads out there
doing that already -- I don't need to join them), I'm not gonna
reject a nice lady...
However, time constraints have forced me to set a few
priorities... First I delete all junk email... Next, I answer
mail from hot prospects (ladies that might actually wanna love me)...
Then I answer those business customers I have who are threatening
to give me money... Now it's time for me to respond to friends I've
known for years... and then comes the BIG decision...
Is this a day when I absolutely HAVE to get some work done?
Or, is this a day when I can afford not to "give a hoot"?
I make a policy of never pressing a lady for fast answers...
If you're going to feel hurt if you don't get a fast answer from
me every time, don't risk writing. If it's OK with you that I
have a life other than pounding this keyboard, or keeping company
with my "square headed girl friend" (computer monitor), feel free
to write.
I am governed by these realizations when setting my priorities.
Love is an action between two people. All the talk in the world
about love isn't loving. While I sincerely appreciate all of the
super nice compliments I've received on this page, having a lady
hold me, love me, and feel that she deserves my love, is...
"Mo' Better!!!"
These priorities are not motivated by desperation, but with
a sense of economy... I wasted more years on mistakes than I
probably have left... It's time for someone really nice to happen...
And, I'll get the computer work done when she's at work or
occupied... When she comes home the computer goes into the off
mode, and it's cuddling time!
If you sincerely believe I have something genuine to offer
that you need, write... If you just need entertainment, have you
tried www.disney.com?
===============================================================
Mark's Search Results (so far)... (This was several months ago.)
My experiences are revealing some interesting information.
Earlier in this page I said that every woman I've talked to says
she wants to be loved...
Why are some ladies having trouble achieving this? Here are
some of my experiences... you be the judge.
(At the same time I publish this, I want you to know that my
heart goes out to all the loving women who are discouraged by the
"crazyness" they are finding in too many men they are encountering.)
==
She's one of the loveliest women I've ever seen... and a real
nice lady... she stopped writing to me when I said it might be hard
to trust a "private" person because it's hard to trust someone when
they will not share their thoughts with you.
==
She was a bit aways from me, but not so far that it would have
been impossible... We met at a restaurant and had friendly chat, but
I could feel no warmth from her... I had no problem continuing our
friendship, but when she realised that I wasn't persuing romance
with her she decided that I didn't approve of her worthiness... If
she didn't like me enough to give me some encouragement, why did she
care at all about my selecting her?
==
When she told me that she was game for an open or closed
relationship, I backed off... I wanna be loved better than that!
(Her telling me she was "bi" didn't help much either.)
==
When I picked her up at her house to take her to dinner and she
directed me to drive down certain streets in her subdivision, I asked
her why... She said, "I want people I know to see I was out on a
date!" Loved is not spelled u-s-e-d.
==
Here's a lady that I have not met, but her profile so well
illustrates comments I've made earlier that I've included a quote from
it here. She describes herself as 5' 5" tall and 185 lbs and in her
"Person you are looking for" section she says, "Must be fit and good
looking."
==
I was very honest with her about not feeling I was up to taking
on the task of being a father to her small children... It wasn't hard
for me to see her attempts to change my mind... Her response to my
being firm about this was to tell me she decided to move out of state.
=================================================================
Mark's Fantasy...
Some day a grown up lady is gonna read this page and is going
to know in her guts that she's run into a red-blooded American boy
who really tells the truth.
She recognizes that I've really been truthful in the above page,
and she decides that loving and being loved is so important to her
that she, placing her past agenda in the past where it belongs, makes
a decision to approach me for who I am...
She presents herself to me simply as who she is without fantasy,
deception, or complexity, and I like her.
And, miracle of miracles, she likes me! And we live happily
ever after.
----------------------------------------------------------
IS MY "TOGETHER" PAGE BELIEVABLE?
A ladyfriend read my eiw.com/together/ page and said...
"I really liked your letter, at first read. I'm going to read it
again when I have a free moment at home tonight (probably late). I
printed it out so I can do that. However, something that occured to me
as I read it was that the average woman would say, "Is this guy for real?
He seems too good to be true!" You might, just might, get someone who
is so desperate for the right person that she's willing to risk believing
anything in print. I don't mean to be negative; I'm just saying what's
in my head. I wish you eternal love, my friend."
I replied...
"Here's the problem in a nutshell, and please don't take offense
at these rational considerations...
It used to be hard enough to find sane ladies who had a "built-in"
sense of fair-play and the willingness to see past themselves to really
"see" another person... took a lot of sifting through the chaff to find
the wheat...
Now, it's gonna be even harder to find ladies who will be able
to see past the wheelchair to see the person... too often a wheelchair
means a "sad case" which is not a truthful impression in my case...
I agree that it seems like a lot of information to offer right
up front... How else to set an honest framework in which to get her
to place the negative information in the perspective it deserves?
I am open to suggestions...
As for trust... If a lady can't recognize the truth when she
hears it, I could fight an uphill battle for years and never win her
trust. Admittedly, there are a lot of lies in print. But there is
also a great abundance of printed truth. I've written truth. It
remains for the reader to use her best judgement in deciding whether
she believes what I have written.
And, if she doesn't believe me here, would I stand a better
chance with her by "wheeling" up to her in a public place? How to
start? "Don't let this wheelchair fool you...?"
So, am I real? Yeh. But there are some ladies who have
sustained hurts that result in them never being able to trust anyone
ever again.
Do I want to fight an uphill battle for years? No!
Every day that goes by in which I am not helping a lady to feel
safe and loved, and she's not helping me to feel safe and loved, is a
terrible waste.
Let's look at the idea that I might find a lady who is so
desperate to find the right person that she's willing to believe
anything in print...
You mean she's as tired as I am of "wrong" people? You mean
she wants to be loved as much as I do? You mean she's tired of all
the years wasted on people who would not love her back with the loyalty
and dedication she needs to be happy, when she's been willing to give
her all?
I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY AS TO MEET SUCH A LADY!!!
Don't misunderstand me... It doesn't work if she's not honest
about who she is... Dishonesty is a sure recipe for unhappiness and
failure... And, there still is the "chemistry" aspect of it... maybe
she won't like me, maybe I won't flip for her...
I put that much information in the "letter" to at least let
her know how I think and feel, which from what I'm told is a helluva
lot more than many men will do.
I believe it is reasonable for me to give a lady some reassurance
that her investing time or taking the risk of getting to know me has
some real potential for happiness...
Or, perhaps I should just ask her, "What's your sign?"
Humor aside, consider this...
I'm battling the problem of instant rejection because of the
wheelchair...
If I've got only one shot at getting the lady's attention,
shouldn't I do the best job possible?
If, after this explanation, you still believe that my approach
should be different to be more believable and effective, please tell
me how to change it.
I am by no means a "desperate" person. I like myself enough
and can stand my own company that I feel no anxiety about living alone.
I am not desperate to find a woman. I'm a very personable guy and I
assure you that the wrong kind of women can be found "a dime a dozen",
even with no feet.
But I don't want to die without ever having really lived.
Because I truly believe the relationship I'm looking for is possible,
and that not finding it would be a terrible waste for both myself and
that lady... I'm desperate to find the RIGHT woman.
And I hope she's as desperate as I am to find the RIGHT man!
After all the B-S, heartache, being treated unfairly, not being
truly loved, being insulted in many different ways, and all of the
things which attend associations with "wrong" people, there is real
validity in the idea, "She rescues me, and I rescue her right back!"
We live in an age in which we are so modern and so smart that we
have outsmarted ourselves... everybody's so sophisticated... nobody
in their right mind "puts their heart out on their sleeve"...
And, everybody's got options... so many, that too many people
place being in a relationship with another which might require real
love and investment of time and effort low on their list... too easy
to be "entertained" by other persuits... This is OK if you want to be
old, alone and unloved. I want better.
So, maybe I'm "out of date" or "not cool" or whatever... but
I'm not so sure that I'm being at all unrealistic... any lady who
meets the "requirement list" criteria is not going to be a lady
who can't deal with life... she's not gonna be a "desperate" person...
She's most likely going to be a very sensitive person who is
happy in most ways but feels a sadness at the idea of how difficult
it seems to be to accomplish something which seems on the surface
to be so simple. Finding someone worth loving; and being loved in
return.
Truly loving someone does not have to be hard work. If we
genuinely care for another, paying attention to them and being
responsive to their needs can be a source of great joy. But to do
this we have to be willing to really see that person, even if it
means setting aside our own agenda and investing patience and
understanding.
This isn't too difficult. But it seems to be for many people.
If we feel truly loved by another person, motivating to help them
to feel loved and secure and emotionally supported should flow in
the natural order of things.
Because this seems difficult for many, maybe it takes a very
strong belief in the importance of, and wanting to be loved...
SO, BRING ON THAT "DESPERATE" LADY! I will take her in my
arms and into my heart, cherish her and keep her safe, and pray
to Almighty God that she feels the same way I do!
I know you're right... many ladies who read the above letter
will doubt my sincerity... nothing I can do about it except hope
they find their happiness... but, if Ms RIGHT reads the letter
and believes it, WE WIN!
Mark
-------------------------------------------------------------
Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/
Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom
it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/
If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me
with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject.
-----------------------------------------------------------
end of issue.
|