MARK'S...
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Volume 1 ~ Issue 7 ~ 4 January 2000 (C)2000 Mark Krell
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THANK YOU!...
to all the nice ladies who have complimented my profile and this
page... Your nice words of encouragement really do mean something
to me. Even those of you who believe they are too far away from
me for anything to be practical are a source of hope for me.. In
our present economies many are blessed enough that by this time in
our lives most of us feel we have something "at stake" which makes
relocating difficult. Shame...
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SOME FAT LADIES DON'T LIKE ME...
I have reaped more than my share of condemnation from heavy
ladies who think I'm a shallow person because I'm not interested
in them... Some of them tell me that I'm not a REAL man... Some
of them tell me that's it's my loss... Some have said that I am
rude.
To those who say I'm shallow, I say read my writings and see
if you can repeat that accusation in good conscience.
To those that tell me I'm not man enough, I say that I have
no lack of confidence in my manhood and certainly don't need to
prove it to you.
To those who say it's my loss if I don't want them, I say NO.
It's my GAIN to not waste time with them and leave myself open
to a lady who looks like a girl.
To those who say that I'm rude, I say that my attitudes and
comments are not meant to be unkind. They are meant to be most
helpful.
Here's the problem... In polite society, we're not supposed
to directly address weight issues with others in consideration
of their feelings and sensitivities... So, if I'm going to be
polite I will never say anything that makes anybody feel bad.
I'm supposed to humor fat ladies who complain about being
lonely because they are not being approached by quality men...
I'm not supposed to tell them why they are instantly rejected
by most men... Will my being nice help them, or simply comfort
them in allowing what is defeating them to continue.
What's best? What's more Christian? What's nicest? What's
the most loving thing I can do?
After much consideration, I have decided that the most loving
thing I can do for a fat lady is to present her with information
and thought that is genuine and perhaps provides new insights
and hopefully genuine encouragment towards solving the problem
which gets her towards health and makes her more desirable to
more men which goes a long way towards contributing to her
future happiness! (Attn: Guinness Book of Records! Is this the
longest sentence in the world? :)
You and I know that there is no such thing as a valid
generalization... Certainly there are heavy ladies who are good
lovers... Certainly there are heavy ladies who are neat and good
housekeepers (I admit to personal prejudice here because the two
heavy ladies I've had in my life were unmotivated housekeepers.
(Two brownie points for me for not saying P_Gs.)
Im even going to admit that some of my aversion to fat ladies
is due to my resentment towards ladies who were at reasonable
weights when I met them, and after they knew they had me they
blew up like balloons. Watching a lady become a lousy lover and
lose interest in a lot of things is no fun.
And, while I can't be sure because some men will not speak
freely... I suspect there are a lot of husbands who feel cheated
because they're stuck with ladies who failed to recognize and to
fulfill thier responsibility to remain essentially the same person
their husbands married.
Just as every woman deserves the best person her husband can
present to her, every man deserves the best woman his wife can
present to him.
So... Be nice and surely not help them... Or... Try to shake
their complacency and motivate them towards health and an improved
happiness... My choice is clear... And so I say things like...
If you're fat, I wouldn't be seen with you on my arm on a bet!
I don't go anywhere with anyone who wears a moo-moo, unless it's
size is equivalent to a single dress size digit!
It ain't "glandular" when I see you taking three desserts at the
all you can eat buffet (or three plates of food before dessert).
Well aren't I brave when I'm writing? Truth is, I have never
been able to be this direct when talking to a fat lady. I'm too
nice for that! Most fat ladies get super defensive and sometimes
downright vicious when men address weight issues... men including
me... back down to preserve our very lives. BUT... Their being
defensive or angry doesn't make their problem go away.
I don't believe my mission includes my having to rescue every
person in the world... Generally, I leave fat ladies alone or am
very polite to those I briefly encounter... If you are heavier
than you need to be, you are reading this BECAUSE YOU APPROACHED
ME! THAT'S what makes you my business!
How dare you approach me without being the very best person
you can be? :) And you want me to be the very best person I can
be? :) Think about it.
If a lady ever writes me a letter telling me that she was too
fat when she "met" me but she understood what I was telling her
and is now at the weight the chart in her doctor's office says
she should be, and that she is firmly resolved never to get heavy
again... Having been through a fat period myself, I'm gonna have
a LOT of respect for her!... And, I'm gonna ask her out!... While
there's no guarantee that everything will "click" between us, I'm
gonna have a lot of admiration for that woman and some sadness if
the chemistry isn't good between us... BUT, even if the chemistry
isn't right I'm also going to know that she is closer to finding
her true happiness. We still both win!
So, Ms BiggerThanYouNeedToBe... Try to understand that I love
you... C'mon, let's save your life! It doesn't take a diet!...
You only need to CHANGE your diet!... You have to decide what's
more important... Eating the wrong things, or loving and being
loved.
Following are some earlier writings of mine on this subject
that were prompted by attacks I received from you know who...
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Dear Lady Questioning My "Niceness" Because I Care About Your Weight,
I ask you not to think badly of me for including the weight
consideration above, and because your approval is important to me
I offer this explanation. I know that many heavier ladies will not
agree with the following considerations, about which I am helpless.
I am truly afraid of getting together with an overweight lady
because my continued reasonably good health depends on eating right.
It is impossible to live close to someone who does not feel the
same way and preserve your good health without hurting them. In a
good partnership I'll cook for her and she'll cook for me. Imagine
her hurt when I start refusing to eat her cooking because she does
not care about what she eats. I have no wish to hurt anyone, but I
will do what I need to do to stay in the best condition I can. I owe
this to my partner and myself, and my partner owes this to me.
Could you expect me to do a good job of loving you if I have
not done a good job of taking care of myself? If I do not address
and deal with those of my problems for which something can be done,
am I not asking you to be a "social service agency" instead of a
life partner? Do you not want your life to be happier and healthier
because you have chosen a partner? I do.
There are important areas in a relationship that suffer if one
or both partners are overweight. The potential for health problems
is greater. Most hHeavier people I know seem to have less energy and
industry. You can't share a recliner and cuddle and still have good
blood circulation; and lot's of other things relating to love and
affection suffer. (Give me an "A" in Diplomacy for stating that as
kindly as possible.)
Some of the nicest people in the world are not blessed with
"Hollywood" beauty. I don't care. But I know that I will never
stop looking at my SweetHeart with appreciation as long as she looks
like a woman. If you become my Love, don't you want me never to
stop wanting you? I don't give a hoot about your bust size or the
relative size of individual features, but I can list 100 reasons
why heavy turns me off as far as a partner and lover is concerned.
I have heavy friends who I dearly love and completely accept
for who they are. They have the right to address or ignore anything
about themselves as they choose. I never criticize them.
But the choices of the person I choose for my lover will surely
affect me. This gives me both the right and responsibility to choose
wisely to ensure the endurance of the relationship we form.
Sadly, there are ladies who, no matter lovable and worthwhile
they are, to whom I must say no.
I have included this section in this web page because I have
been approached by ladies who are obviously overweight but describe
themselves as "average" and want my acceptance. Arguments they have
made and my responses follow...
"You're not being nice... you should be willing to accept me for
who I am!" I am perfectly willing to accept you for who you are, but
tell me... do you accept every man you see for your lover? If you
have the right to choose your partners, why don't I?
"I want you to see past my weight problem and see who I really
am!" The person you present IS you. And, if you have a weight problem
that you have not addressed, what other problems are you not addressing?
You terrify me because I don't know what I'm getting into if I can't
trust you to deal with your life in a healthy manner.
"You have no right to expect me to change!" I never asked you to
change for me. If I responded to your personal ad it was partly because
you described your body type as slim or average.
"I AM average!" OK, if we're not talking the same language, we
need to have a definition... How about the chart in your doctor's office?
It says the recommended body weight for women between 25 and 55 is...
Height Weight
4' 10" 102-111
4' 11" 103-113
5' 0" 104-115
5' 1" 106-118
5' 2" 108-121
5' 3" 111-124
5' 4" 114-127
5' 5" 117-130
5' 6" 120-133
5' 7" 123-136
5' 8" 126-139
5' 9" 129-142
5' 10" 132-145
5' 11" 135-148
6' 0" 138-151
I did not invent these numbers. I really took them from the chart
in my doctor's office. I have no problem with abiding by them. Nor do
I have a problem with anybody who is slender.
There are many men who like heavier women and do not easily accept
lighter ones. Do you fault them? Am I not entitled to my preferences?
"If I had someone who truly loved me, I'd lose weight." It is a
reality that we as persons effect no genuine change if we don't want
that change for ourselves. The unkindest thing I could do is to tell
you I love you and then make you feel that you are not good enough for
me. My SweetHeart deserves to feel my unqualified appreciation and
support and I'm going to give that to her.
"I'm going to let GOD decide what I do!" Perfectly OK with me,
but I'm going to choose a woman who uses her God given abilities to
deal as well with her problems as possible.
Here's a story about God's will that I like...
The small family was on the roof of their house which
had already been uplifted off of its foundation and was
floating in the raging flood waters...
A boat came near and the man on the boat yelled that he
was going to throw them a rope so they could get into his
boat... The head of the family answered, "No, don't bother!
It's ok! God will take care of us!"
Time passed...
A second boat came near with a man offering a rope...
The answer was the same, "God will take care of us!"
Time passed...
A noise from the sky and a voice from the loudspeaker
in the helicopter saying, "Grab the ladder we're lowering
and climb up!!!" Again the refusing answer, "God will
take care of us!"
Some time later, the flood overturned the house and took
their lives.
There they were, aplying for admission to Heaven...
and as it happened, God was there...
"Lord God, I don't understand!", said the man and he
continued, "We prayed and prayed for you to take care of
us! Why didn't you???"
God said, "I tried to! Didn't I send you two boats
and a helicopter???"
Sometimes God tries to help us... It's up to us to
take and use His help, no matter the form in which it
comes. Think about it.
I know that nobody's perfect. Neither am I. The trick is, to
find someone whose weaknesses are not threatening to you. Everybody
has a little "craziness". It's part of the human condition. Again,
it's important to make sure their bit of "craziness" isn't in areas
which will make you unhappy. Non-threatening issues in another can
be cute... Threatening issues are scary.
I've done a lot of things in my life. Many of my activities
have helped others. Now it's time for me to help just one other, to
let her help me, and to enjoy a happy life together.
As if all of the above isn't enough, here's a reason that I'll
bet you would never think of...
I am not only an emotionally strong (but gentle) man, I am also
a physically strong (but gentle) man... One by-product of somebody
breaking into my house and stealing my feet (I don't know who has
them)((humor)) is that I don't have the same leverage advantage I
used to have...
One of the intangible things that contributes to many ladies
enjoyment of being with a man is the feeling she is safe in strong
arms when he holds her.
Because I can't steady myself in certain situations quite as
well as I used to, a heavy lady can be immovable to me, making
situations awkward that would not be with someone lighter.
Don't I owe it to her to choose a lady that I am able to give
those nice feelings to without her perceiving me as weak?
So, Dear Lady Questioning My "Niceness" Because I Care About
Your Weight, I ask you to judge me with kindness.
Mark
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- MARK SHARES HIS WEIGHT LOSING SECRETS -
A number of people have asked me how I trimmed down over
100 pounds years ago and have kept it off. They don't believe
me when I tell them that it does not need diets or lots of
exercise to lose weight.
A number of them express disbelief when I tell them I can
eat every day at an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant taking two
platters full of food, and not put on weight.
Years ago I used to think that losing weight was impossible.
I remember losing 42 pounds in one month to qualify for a job (it
nearly killed me) and after I was hired I promptly gained 60 back.
What I learned after being diagnosed as diabetic, and using
the machine to monitor my blood sugar, as well as some common
sense, has resulted in a newer and better way of eating for me
in which I eat things I like and enjoy a wide variety of great
foods. You wanna feel deprived, go somewhere else. I'm not into
deprivation or suffering.
I wouldn't have gotten defensive and written the section
above if I hadn't taken a lot of flak from ladies who wanted me
to validate their problem instead of making a healthy decision
to rescue themselves from themselves.
But, having written what I have, in the spirit of fair play
I am writing a new website aimed at helping to share how weight
can be easily lost. If you're the stubborn type, don't bother
going there... you won't like it. If you've grown emotionally
to the point where you believe it's time to be healthy and live
a better life, you are invited!
http://eiw.com/weight/
The weight website is still "under construction" because
of other more weighty (pun intended) recent demands on my time,
but I will complete it ASAP.
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FAITHLESS WOMEN...
Some of the internet dating sites have personality profiles
they ask you to complete... You know, questions like Romantic?,
Honest?, Dependable, Faithful?, and others.
It bothers me when I see women say their looking for marriage
and they answer the Faithful question with "Mostly" or "Usually".
How dumb are they? If they want a man who is grown up enough
to be a good and loyal husband, does it not follow that he will
worry about taking on a faithless woman?
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Mark's "Second Thoughts?" Department:
In this lady's case, it had to be second thoughts about
something...
When I spend five hours with a lady who is warm, attentive,
appreciative and loving in her speech, manner, posturing, and
touch (loving not suggestive), and wasn't actng like she wanted
to go anywhere at 11 pm and I have to remind her that we need to
have mercy on these folks and let them close the restaurant and
go home...
And, when I held her while saying good night outside, and
it sure felt like she wanted to be where she was when she was in
my arms...
And, she says she'd like me to give her a good picture
of me (not one pulled from the net and computer printed)...
I kinda sorta figured that she liked me, and that just
maybe there was something nice going on which had a chance...
And, when I considered my appreciation of the woman she
is and all of the things we agreed upon during a very honest
chat addressing bunches of topics (if you had been listening,
you'd have been convinced there wasn't anything we didn't like
about each other)...
And, when she asked, "Then you're not finished with me?",
and beamed when I responded, "You bet I'm not finished with you
girl!"
I kinda sorta figured that she liked me, and that just
maybe there was something nice going on which had a chance...
The next day I get the nicest email from her telling
me in several very specific ways how wonderful I am...
It expresses her wishes for a friendship between us,
coupled with her regret that she didn't "hear bells" when
she was with me and therefore...
I have nothing but nice things to say about this
lady, but I will make three comments.
First, I wish I knew what she was confronted with
which caused her swift shift in position. By not sharing
that information with me, she rendered me helpless to
explore the possibility of dealing with whatever. If you
are thinking, "Mark, maybe she just didn't hear bells
ringing...", may I remind you of the behaviors that DID
flow from her?, and,
Second, I'm gonna see about installing a small
carillion replica in my van!, and,
Third, I was not happy with this turnout because
after listening to her attentively, I knew that I would
have the ability to have her feeling happy and truly
loved, if given the chance. (Surely I need not mention
that I believe she would have been able to contribute
to my happiness?)
But this business of meeting new people IS a
numbers game... (And, after all, they can't all be smart
enough to know what they have when they meet me, can
they?)
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TICKLE ME!
I write best when I am responding to input... Like Johhny 5,
I need input... more input...
So, if you see LoveLetters slowing down, tickle me.
I promise to depersonalize any story you tell me to the extent
that nobody will ever know who you are.
You promise never to want money from me if this stuff ever gets
published.
You get Mark's views and insights into the situations you describe.
That's some advantage, huh? :)
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I'M STARTING ON MEN SOON!
Don't get the idea that LoveLetters is a diatribe against all the
women in the world who have problems, or who choose not to love me.
You ladies have had more than your share of stupid and cruel
behaviors from men!
When you read what I write about men, you'll realize that I'm
being KIND to you!
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Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/
Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom
it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/
If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me
with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject.
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end of issue.
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