MARK'S...
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Volume 1 ~ Issue 8 ~ 5 January 2000 (C)2000 Mark Krell
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RESPONSE LETTERS TO WEIGHTY THOUGHTS FROM ISSUE 7...
I must be living right... I got only two responses about issue 7
of the LoveLetter, but they couldn't be better for presenting both
sides of this subject... Here they are as I received them minus any
names or things which would identify the senders. I remove names
not to deprive senders of any credit the're due, but to make for a
condition in which you do not have to be afraid of writing and
saying what you really feel without possibility of embarassment...
1st letter from a lady...
Re your epistle to the fat: When you were fat, were you not the same kind
and sexual man you are now? I've been fatter and I was the same. I worked
hard, kept a clean house, was sexual, intelligent, etc. I did not become a
slob. I understand if you are not attracted to a woman you consider
overweight, but let's not assume they are all slobs. I am small and did not
have to be a glutton to gain weight; it crept on slowly over the years. I
have always had a reasonably healthy diet, lots of vegetables, etc., but
cooking for a family makes it easy to eat. I kept lots of infants, so might
not have been as active as I could have, but I always cut grass, kept the
house and yard and was not lazy.
2nd letter from a gentleman...
this is nice, we all owe it to ourselves first, to present the best of us we
can, i am 60 5 10 160 it didn't happen overnight and it don't remain
that way, without effort, i present the best i can, first to me second for
the ladies approval, arent there any ladies left that aren't fat, aren't
there any ladies left that don't smoke, arent there any ladies left, that
think my walking cane gives me cute gait, when i walk? are any females
petite? are there any ladies left with enough pride in themselves to present
their best personality, what's the matter ladies? cat got your tongue?
sincerely *****
These two letters have sparked a great deal of thought within me. I
don't exactly know everything I'm going to write below, but I promise you
that it came from these two letters!
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VIGOROUSLY DEFENDING A LOVE RELATIONSHIP.
The following two paragraphs appear in my "together" page in the letter
to my future sweetheart... I am well aware that most readers of that page
like its content... I am also aware that most readers do not take the time
to think about what each of these statements means... First, the page does
contain a lot... Second, some readers only skim the page and miss a lot...
Third, I believe that every reader has the intelligence to fully understand
the together page content but there are two obstacles... Many don't believe
that I'm really real and telling the truth (at least as I percieve it to be)
and many are lazy thinkers... Soooooo... Let's spell it out clearly.
"I promise to vigorously defend and protect our ability to be truly
intimate with each other. This, by being always truthful with you, and by
measuring my behavior against the standard of "Is this good for US?" and
governing myself accordingly. Also, to be ever aware that we are a team
and that acting unilaterally in areas that affect us both is disloyal.
I promise to be your loyal and faithful lover; and I promise to be your
loyal and faithful friend. This includes doing my best to maintain both my
physical and mental conditions and keeping my personality intact so I can
be expected to do these things well."
This is not going to be another deal focused on ladies who gain weight.
Years ago I gained weight. I remember it well... I was dealing with a very
frustrating lady (1st wife)... I made the wrong decision... Should have
gotten out of there much earlier, but then I didn't know what I know now...
What I should have done was to take good care of myself and go find a sane
lady... Ain't hindsight wonderful? My point here is that my gaining a lot
of weight was not her fault! It was mine for making a poor decision!
Many men and women in apparently happy relationships make the mistake
of not maintaining themselves well, physically and/or emotionally...
Whether it's gaining weight and becoming less attractive, or any other
method of becoming a different person than your partner fell in love with,
it's still not vigorously defending your love relationship. Period.
Men who take up drinking, gambling, drugs or other activities which
get them taken away from their lovers... men who become reclusive and
do not clearly share their feelings, fears, hopes, and reasoning with
their lovers certainly aren't vigorously defending their love relationships
either.
Sometimes things that happen are due to the man... sometimes the lady...
I once knew a lady who taught me that I couldn't share everything with
her... If I told her I was worried about a business deal, she delivered a
tirade of worry about "what are we gonna do about... and... and...". We
always got along, but I learned what subjects I shouldn't talk to her about,
and in the process I felt less and less loved.
If you want someone to talk to you and share everything with you, you've
got to be strong enough not to punish them for telling you the truth.
Loving another well requires strength, self discipline, and good will.
Strength enough to practice good stewardship of their person and their
relationship. Strength enough to be loyal in thought, word, and deed.
Strength enough to be their partner's strong advocate in times of crises.
Self discipline enough for men to avoid doing the stupid, crazy, and
cruel things some men do to women who don't deserve to have such behaviors
visited upon them. Self discipline enough for both men and women to make
conscious choices about whether remaining attractive for their lover is
more important than an order of french fries or a huge helping of mashed
potatoes or a big bowl of ice cream. Self discipline enough not to waste
the worldly assets of the couple to a point where their security and
peaceful life is placed in jeapordy.
Good will enough to be willing to see past one's own wants sufficient
to allow the seeing of their partner's needs. Goodwill enough to motivate
one to allow behavior to flow from themselves that will address the needs
of their partner even if the partner doesn't know how to ask... if you're
really paying attention to your partner you will know what they need.
One thing they need is for you to be around and loving them as long as
you possibly can! Pay attention to your health! Pay attention to your
weight! Pay attention to your mental health! Get whatever help you need!
In whatever area you need! People who are resistive to solving their
problems are not only a royal pain in the butt, but they inflict unnecessary
punishment and grief upon their partners!
Did you affiliate yourself with them to love them or to punish them?
Having made in past the mistake of getting out of shape, and, admitting
that the fault was mine... There's no way I can excuse the lady who wrote
the letter above. Her explanations are believable, and, because I know
more about this lady than you, I know she didn't exactly have the support
and motivation of a great guy either. She had a pretty rough time.
BUT... I had a pretty rough time when I was gaining weight and I didn't
excuse myself. What I did was take the weight OFF and take better care of
myself so I could offer the best partner I can to my future asweetheart.
If you want to do nothing because you have good reasons for being out
of shape, you have every right to do it your way... But you have to
resign yourself to finding sandbox play partners difficult.
If you are in a relationship and you let yourself "go to pot"... you
have to recognize that you are contributing to your partner's diminishing
appreciation of and motivation towards you. And, you must connect these
things with disloyalty, because that's what it is!
Now, repeat after me... "I will vigorously defend my love relationship
now that I understand all the tings I've just read!"
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NOT EVERY LADY CAN BE PETITE!
They don't have to be... Here's what I believe to be the truth about
the fellow who wrote the second letter above...
If a lady who is sane and loving and qualifes on the height/weight
chart in issue 7 (but not petite) ever treated this guy with love, respect
and appreciation he'd change his story! He'll fall in love with her...
You'd be surprised at how much effect a truly loving lady can have on one
of us poor men!
Maybe my future sweetheart won't be petite... If she's real tall, I'll
go get my stepladder!
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THE MISSING BREAST.
Some while back I met a lady on a dating site who said she was only
looking for friendship. She also told me she had lost a breast to cancer
some years ago. She related experiences at the hands of truly stupid men.
I couldn't ever get her to send me her photo. How can I tell if I'd
be happy to look at a lady's face regular if I can't see it?
So it didn't go anywhere because she didn't let it... As God is my
witness I tell you that nothing above would have stopped me.
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USING CANES OR WHEELCHAIRS.
The guy above walks with a cane... I use a wheelchair... big deal...
Any lady who is in my arms forgets quickly whether I have feet or not...
probably the same with the guy above...
Only stupid men or women discard good people on surface things. Only
the young can afford such nonsense.
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ANOTHER LETTER WITH A NICE PERSPECTIVE...
Hey! I never said I was the only right person in the world... here's
the lady's letter...
By the way, as a fatty, I know your remarks are sincere. I do appreciate
them. We all do not agree on everything that is what makes the world
special. Just as you have fat friends and do not wish for a fat lady. I
have thin friends and do not wish for a thin man. I do not mean horribly
fat, just fluffy. I guess it goes back to my Grandfather the light of my
life. He was 6ft 2in and 235#. If they are in good health I do not mind
the weight. For me the heart is more important. For your smile of the
second I have lost just over 30 pounds in the last six months. Nice start,
I know.
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SMOKING...
Smoking is bad for you... don't do it!
I don't know why the guy above thinks there aren't too many ladies
who don't smoke... Most of the ladies I see on the dating sites are
not smokers...
In fact, I have resolved that I must quit smoking if the lady I find
has a problem with it...
The right love relationship is that important to me.
I must admit to having a chuckle every time I read a profile where
she's a non-smoker but she likes to drink... I guess lungs are more
important than livers to a lot of ladies.
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WAS I AS GOOD WHEN I WAS FAT?
I absolutely guarantee you that I'm a helluva lot better now than
when I was fat! :)
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Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/
Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom
it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/
If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me
with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject.
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end of issue.
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