MARK'S... ------------------------------------------------------------ * * * *** * * ***** * ***** ***** ***** ***** *** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *** * *** * * *** *** * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** *** * ***** ***** ***** * * ***** * * ------------------------------------------------------------ Volume 2 ~ Issue 6 ~ 17 January 2000 (C)2000 Mark Krell ------------------------------------------------------------ YOUR ADVICE PLEASE? The situation: At grown up ages a fella meets a gal through an internet dating site... very shortly after their meeting, he meets another gal... Gal 1 visits him for a week and they seem to get along great... he gives Gal 1 positive signs like calling her his girlfriend and frequent contact with her including some tentative plans for getting together. Then he has Gal 2 visit him and tells Gal 1 the truth of it and... Gal 1 feels hurt. This I understand and I know how to respond to. What I'm not sure about... Is this guy just wanting to make sure of his own feelings prior to making a committment, so that he makes a good committment?, or, Is he nuts or worse? Your reflections are most welcome. (I am entertaining some opinions which I intend to share, but how do I solicit your thinking by stating mine first?) ---------------------------------------------------------------- BAGGAGE. Without children: This for both ladies and men... If your prospective new partner cannot set aside the people and incidents in their past, YOU will be punished for them... Maybe not directly, but you will be the one who is with them every time they re-experience their anger... You cannot expect them to lose their memories, but you have every right to expect them to LET IT GO... If they are not willing to set aside those in past, how can they be completely open to loving you? With Children: While there are those who disagree with me, I believe children themselves are not baggage... The baggage comes in when you or your partner has to deal with the same person(s) who did those hurtful and anger producing things they did that contributed to their break-up with you or your partner... If you can't DEAL WITH WHAT MUST BE DEALT WITH and SET THE REST ASIDE no matter what kind of a dunce or louse or bitch they are, you destroy your new relationship bit by bit by either overtaxing the patience of your new partner or by making it impossible for you to give your best/ Unavoidable Situations: Having children with disabilities can cause you to be rejected by many. Having parents you need to care closely for can be hard for some to accept. You have the same problem I face in that you're just going to have to sift through new prospects until you find the right accepting partner... It' a numbers game... "He/She who hangs tough, wins!" -------------------------------------------------------------- WHEN TO GET EXCITED... You meet, and you like each other... You get excited... I tell you to keep your head about you and keep your "cool"... There are lot's of things you will learn about each other soon... You will not learn what you need to know about your new person until you have been together in enough situations to see their automatic emotionally generated actions to "things" and you. Remember the lady in LoveLetter V1 I2... It took me visiting her on her "home ground" where she felt she was in control for me to get unreasonable behaviors from her. This makes a case against importing brides if you haven't the resources to visit them first... If you are not motivated to spend time with foriegn ladies prior to making a committment, you are a fool. Back to getting excited... Actions speak louder than words... Pay more attention to what they do than what they say... Keep your head about you so that you learn what you need to know about them... Above all, don't get excited until you see them doing things to make possible getting together with you after making direct clear statements of committment. The same lady who told me she loved me she truly and deeply loved me later became absolutely unreasonable and impossible to deal with over stupid little stuff that we surely should have been able to resolve. I'm sure you ladies have heard men say things that were belied by their later behavior. :) Their are men and ladies whose hunger for love is so strong that they don't like it much when I tell them to stay cool and keep their heads... Doesn't change reality. --------------------------------------------------------------- CRAZY LADIES... This is a new section... Ladies feel free to write in with your true stories about crazy men!... We'll have a Crazy Men department too! I met her at a singles group, liked her, and invited her to dinner... She gave me directions to her home... I picked her up and took her to a nicer restaurant... No chemistry... Like she didn't really want to be with me... I took her home after dinner and when I started to turn into her subdivision, sh asked me to use the other entrance... I obliged her request, and asked her why... "I want some neighbors of mine to see that I've been out with a man." --------------------------------------------------------------- Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/ Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/ If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject. ----------------------------------------------------------- end of issue. |