MARK'S... ------------------------------------------------------------ * * * *** * * ***** * ***** ***** ***** ***** *** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *** * *** * * *** *** * * * * * * * * * * * * * ***** *** * ***** ***** ***** * * ***** * * ------------------------------------------------------------ Volume 2 ~ Issue 9 ~ 21 January 2000 (C)2000 Mark Krell ------------------------------------------------------------ ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE... A nice looking Russian lady responded to my profile three weeks ago. I answered and as usual I directed her to my together page... She now writes... Hello, Mark. Thanks for responding. I'm so sorry I could not respond to you sooner. I have three jobs, it's at a factory, medical service, and shop. I work a lot but I like my profession as an artist. In reality I don't have a computer therefor I can't check my mail often. May I ask you be a little patient, please, if you don't receive my letter soon? I promise to write as often as I can. I'll send you my photo. I'll try to send more then one but I don't know if I can. We have some problem with a scanner. I don't know computers at all. I studied English two years ago and I'm starting to forget it. Now my daughter's friend helps me. She knows English better then me. I can't speak English. I need to practice more. Now I have a chance to refresh English. OK. I want to write you something about myself. I live in south of Russia in Volzhskiy. It's in Volgograd region. May be you herd it or know Stalingrad city. Stalingrad and Volgograd are same. But I was born in Belgorod region in a village. Now my mother lives there. I left that place when I grow up. I have a sister we are twins and a brother. And everybody lives here. Our town is nice and I'd like you see it. I have a small flat where I'm alone now. My daughter (24) left Russia in May of this year. In August she got married and I went to USA for the wedding. Her husband is an American man and he is a good man. I 'm happy for them. I met his family and I liked them very much. They live in NJ. Name of a town is ********. I'm going to come to USA during summer. American people are very friendly. America is an interesting country. I read about it much and my daughter tells me about the USA a lot. She loves this country and I'm happy that she enjoys living there. I don't like to be alone but I can't find a man in Russia. Like most Russian women I don't like Russian men. Our men like to drink. Here is my picture. I can't send other photos now. I'll try to send later. I hope to hear from you soon. Sincerely, ****** P.S. I looked your site. It's a long and interesting letter. WAIT!!! SCROLL NO FURTHER!... WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE??? HAS THIS NICE LADY REALLY READ MY TOGETHER PAGE??? DOES SHE KNOW WHAT SHE NEEDS TO KNOW FOR HER TO MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION ABOUT ME??? I'll put money on the table that says she doesn't! Let's try again, shall we?... Dear ******, Thank you for writing to me and sending me your photo. I repeat that I think you are a truly lovely woman. I have worked with the graphics file containing your photo and I have attached a file named ******.jpg for return to you with this letter. You may wish to use this file with future emails because it is much smaller than ****.tif and ******.jpg will send much faster over the internet. Your written English is certainly good enough to make you well understood... Second languages are difficult to use because we think in terms of the language we grew up using. Even so, you are doing a good job with your use of English. I note with interest that you have looked at my web page at http://eiw.com/together/ I am not sure that you have taken the time to fully read and understand its content. I encourage you to read it carefully because it will tell you a lot of information about who I am. I am a very nice man, but nobody is perfect. My web page will give you information that will help you to decide if you really wish to meet me. I understand that Russia's economy is not an easy one to live in. I congratulate you on your industry shown by you working three jobs. If you choose to send another graphic, I'd love to see some of your art. I have heard that there are many men who drink in Russia. I keep some drink in the house for hospitality, but I drink very little. A nice glass of wine at dinner with a lovely lady perhaps. Drinking is a self-centered thing. If I am with a lady who drinks a lot, I wonder if the drink is more important to her than I am. I also do not like to deal with drunken behavior. I'm sure you feel the same. I am pleased that your daughter has found her happiness... ******** Township, New Jersey is an area close to where I lived years ago... I am living in Geogia now because the winters are shorter and not so hard for me to deal with. Buford is a 45 minute drive from downtown Atlanta and this area has a good economy. When I moved to Buford in 1988, it was a smaller town. Over the years, there has been much growth here and there is more traffic, people, and stores. I live in a small three bedroom house here in Buford... Not a rich area, but it is comfortable. I am interested in your reactions to the ideas and other information presented on my web page, and I look forward to the next time you find it convenient to write to me. Best wishes, Mark Now, we wait... But not with any feeling of urgency. ----------------------------------------------------------------- Note- The lady who responded two days ago evidently did not survive my together page. ---------------------------------------------------------------- CRAZY LADIES... I was living in an apartment in downtown Philadelphia when we got married in the summertime... I took her there to live... Three weeks after we married... I was on my way out in the middle of the afternoon... During that three weeks everything was lovey-dovey; not an unkind word or gesture between us. As I decended the stairs, through the partially open front door I heard, "...and he beats me too!"... I stopped and listened for a bit and when I'd had enough I opened the door, looked down at her and said, "If you don't tell this girl the truth right now, I'm gonna start living up to my reputation!" She faced the girl who lived next door that she'd been talking to and said, "I don't know why I said those things... he really has been very nice to me!" Seven years later she was no more sane and we parted as friends. C'MON GALS!!! - Let's have a crazy men department!... I KNOW you've got stories!... Send 'em in! --------------------------------------------------------------- ANOTHER DAY PASSES... And another sunset finds me holding no one (but Candy) and helping her to feel loved and her me. --------------------------------------------------------------- Installing LOVE.EXE Customer: Can you help me install LOVE? Customer Service Rep: I can do that. Are you ready? Customer: I'm not very technical, but I think I am ready to install now. What do I do first? CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART, ma'am? Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running? CS Rep: What programs are running, ma'am? Customer: Let me see....I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE,and RESENTMENT.COM running right now. CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am? Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how? CS Rep: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased. Customer: Okay, I'm done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal? CS Rep: Yes it is. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message? Customer: Yes I do. Is it completely installed? CS Rep: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades. Customer: Oops...I have an error message already. What should I do? CS Rep: What does the message say? Customer: It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS." What does that mean? CS Rep: Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. it means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" yourself before you can "LOVE" others. Customer: So what should I do? CS Rep: Can you find the directory called "SELF-ACCEPTANCE?" Customer: Yes, I have it. CS Rep: Excellent, you are getting good at this. Customer: Thank you. CS Rep: You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVESELF.DOC, SELFESTEEM.TXT, REALIZEWORTH.TXT, and GOODNESS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete SELFCRITICIZE.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back. Customer: Got it. Wow! My HEART is filling up with really neat files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now, and it shows that WARMTH.COM, PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART! CS Rep: Then LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go... Customer: Yes? CS Rep: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other people, and they will return some really neat modules back to you. Customer: I will. Thank you for your help CS Rep: You're very welcome. --------------------------------------------------------------- Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/ Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/ If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject. ----------------------------------------------------------- end of issue. |