MARK'S...
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Volume 3 ~ Issue 7 ~ 15 February 2000 (C)2000 Mark Krell
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IS MARK UNREALISTIC ABOUT LOVE? (My Valentine For You.)
After sending out yesterdays edition, I laid back and watched a movie...
South Pacific, a musical broadway show made into a movie in 1958...
Some of you may remember the nurse who fell in love with the Frenchman
but who couldn't bring herself to marry him because of prejudices she had
(he had been married to a Polynesian lady and had two children with her
before she died)...
When she was confronted with the real possibility of him getting killed,
in the face of losing him forever she decided that their love was more
important than any other consideration.
His return found them sitting at a table with his two children and the
simple act of them holding hands became a very powerful ending of the story.
That kind of love is NOT a fantasy... It's very real... Very possible,
and can be had...
Twice in my life I have had women who I believed felt genuine love for
me... One lost by fate... The other due to family interferences... These
I've recounted in previous issues...
One more time I learned it is still possible for me to feel very strong
love for a lady... She couldn't conquer her fears (Also in a previous
issue)...
I also know this is possible because of the many older couples I've
talked to during my adult life who had been together for many years and
whose loving behavior towards each other was constant for as long as I
knew and was exposed to them.
There's a true story on my server called "The SHMILY Story" which I
publish with the permission of the grandaughter who wrote about her
grandparents... If you haven't read it http://eiw.com/interest.htm
and find the link and click on it!...
You've endured my saying some critical things about folks in these
letters... I get so frustrated at everything people invent to make it
impossible to find healthy genuine love!
WAKE UP!!! DON'T YOU REALIZE THIS ENTIRE LOVELETTERS THING IS A
VALENTINE FOR YOU???
If you've decided that loving and being loved is not very important
to you, I feed sad that you wish to deny our Creator's intention for
man and woman to be true love and life partners. I urge you to reconsider
and remind you that you have survived the past and can afford to risk
loving again. All you need to do is make a better partner choice.
If you're not getting the other gender's attention because of
overweight, DECIDE!... Decide if eating fried foods is more important
than being loved by someone whom you love enough to want to present your
best self! Same goes for french fries, mashed potatos, and gobs of ice
cream.
If you are entertaining irrational positions like emotionally holding
on to past people with whom you know it wasn't good, isn't it time for
a reality check and freeing yourself so that you can love again?
If you've constructed a set of rules for your life that make the
development of love and trust with another downright impossible, isn't
it time to rewrite your rules (reparenting)?
If you are living a dangerous or unhealthy lifestyle which can bring
only grief to a sane partner... HEY YOU THERE! CUT THAT OUT!!! Being
truly loved and loving isn't more important???
And...
In finding a partner, don't you dare settle for less than someone
you have strong trust in and admiration for! Any warm body is NOT
better than the right somebody!
If you've been lucky enough to have found a good partner, this does
not relieve you of the responsibility to present your best self to them!
(Vigorously defending your love relationship.)
NOT TO DECIDE IS TO DECIDE!!! Don't make a decision for the better,
and you've decided for the worse!
DECIDE NOW!!! Hillel (a biblical scholar) said it best... "If I am
not for myself, who will be?... If I am not for others, what am I?...
And, if not now, when?"
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life!"... Decide what you
want the rest of your life to be like... It won't be if you don't take
action!!!
GO GET 'EM TIGER!!!
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A UNIQUE UNLOVING LADY...
Here's a blast from the past... I met this lady near the beginning of
my search... When I sent her this rejection letter I learned that telling
the truth to those who will not love really pisses 'em off!... I couldn't
find her venomous reply so this will have to do... I wrote...
Dear ******,
You are not going to like this letter. I remind you that
there's always the little trash can icon.
I meant each and every word and gesture I've made toward you.
I sincerely believe that you are a lovely lady and a lovable woman.
There is not one nice thing that I've said to you that you do not
truly deserve.
Even so, for my own protection, I believe it's time for me
to stop persuing a relationship with you.
I had my head together when, on my web page I wrote, "You
could be that lady if... You are willing to dismiss past hurts and
be open to new happiness."
I met you and was so impressed by the person and woman you
are, that I forgot my own hard earned wisdom. You repeatedly told
me you couldn't forget past hurts and insults... and even after
exposures to me, your maintenance of that position tells me that
you have not found sufficient basis to trust me.
You have heard me tell you that the few worthwhile and
fulfilling relationships I've ever had just flowed. You have
heard me tell you that I have tried fighting uphill battles to
"earn ladies trust" or motivate them to love me, with no success.
You have also heard me tell you that I have learned that I
should believe people when they tell me about themselves.
Here's what you've been telling me... "Don't let me hurt
you.", and, "Don't mistake my behaviors toward you to mean love.",
and,
"This time I'm going to pick someone I can love."
I contend that is exactly what you did in past. You chose
people you could have loved. And, you felt that you could have
loved them because they were showing you love. The only thing
that went wrong was they were jerks who "talked the talk, but
couldn't walk the walk". And, with the justified disappointment
you felt with them for not truly being the persons that they
represented themselves to be, and, not having the wisdom to love
you enough to keep your relationship a priority and keep romance
alive -- you fell out of love with them.
Considering your integrity, it's hard for me to believe
that you ever entered a relationship with anyone you felt you
could not love.
I have a solution for this difficulty of knowing who to
believe. We take all those who prove they are not true lovers
and brand them with the mark of Cain... in this case, how about
a heart with a cross through it?
Our relationship so far has me feeling that I am a subject
being evaluated. And, that I am being evaluated in terms of
past hurts and insults you've suffered that I am in no way
responsible for.
In addition to the obvious inequity of this position, it's
a test I can not pass. I can never hope to fight the ghosts in
your past. Being only human, there is nothing super-human I can
do to convince you that not all men are stupid and unloving, and
that I may be different.
The inequity lies in my realization that I've always been
a nice guy, and I shouldn't have to be in a position where I
have to prove myself. The conduct of my life speaks for itself.
I disagree that trust can be earned. I'll say again that
all I can do is be a trustable person, and let others figure
that out.
There is a piece of wisdom that says, "Never explain. Your
friends don't need it, and your enemies won't believe you anyway."
From this man's viewpoint, either a woman trusts you or she
doesn't.
Now, finding myself in a position in which I'm hoping a lady
will choose to love me (deja vu), I have to ask myself, "Don't
I deserve better than this?" And, "Am I not tired of this type
of "craziness" that has hurt me so much in past?"
****** has the right to evaluate all she wants and search until
she finds a fellow of whom all of his behaviors she approves.
Mark has the right to find a woman who will not make him
suffer because of her past agenda, and who will respond to his
need to be truly loved.
What's happening now can in no way be considered fair to me.
Of course it's unreasonable to expect instant surrender from
anyone, but the conditions under which I see you looking at me
are impossible.
If I acted like I was going to have as hard a time trusting
you as you are me, I don't believe you'd like me or think I was
giving you a fair chance.
A good love relationship should not be a battle to achieve.
Two people are supposed to be smart enough to realize they've
found each other and create a haven for each other.
It can be argued that I'm being unrealistic. It can't be
that easy. Oh yes it can!
When have you EVER been exposed to ANY man who has
demonstrated his clarity of thought and his goodwill to set
forth a clear sane understanding of what must be to create
that haven with another person.?
I know I'm different than a lot of other men. And, if
you'll think about it you'll realize the insult it does me
to lump me in with the idiots and asses you've known by
relating your approach to me in terms of them.
Sure you've had some negative experiences! I haven't?
If I know the absolute importance of my setting these aside
and approaching a new person FOR WHO THEY ARE; am I not
entitled to the same consideration.
It was my purpose to make a truthful presentation of
who I am with the writing of my web page. It's the right
lady's job to figure out who she's looking at instead of
being guided by fear.
I've been running your position statement over and over
in my head... "This time I'm going to find somebody I can
love." I don't profess to be an expert, but this I know...
Very few sane people feel genuine love for another who
is not in some way expressing love for them.
My expressions of warmth towards you have received very
guarded responses from you. I deserve better than this, and,
regardless of whether you agree, you deserve better than this.
All of this aside, I can't stop admiring and respecting you
for who you are, and hoping you will meet someone who generates
enough trust in you to make something nice possible.
Mark
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Previous LoveLetters can be read at http://eiw.com/loveletters/
Feel free to recommend LoveLetters to those of your friends to whom
it may be helpful or entertaining... http://eiw.com/loveletters/
If you no longer wish to receive LoveLetters, send an email to me
with "No More LoveLetters" as the subject.
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end of issue.
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